We as humans, as social beings, we long to be with someone. To feel safe, to have closure, to be loved and to love. It is an innate need of ours. We often look for the perfect relationship but the fact is that there is no perfect relationship. Every relationship has its ups and downs. It goes through rough patches and certain testing times. And we sometimes have to endure and work through those right times. But how much do we endure and when do we draw the line.
Here are a few signs to know that the relationship you are in is unhealthy.
We all like to be wanted and sometimes when we have those harmless little fights with our partner, deep down we like the feeling of being desired. But imagine if your partner/spouse
Prohibits you from talking to anyone he/she feels insecure with
Keeps asking you updates on where you are and what you are doing
Stalks you physically or online
Isolates you from friends and relatives
You end up fighting almost always even if you hang out with your people, who you have known for long
You are dealing with a possessive partner. Only when your partner trusts you, will he/she be comfortable with whom you spend time with.
Over-dominating or controlling
Any relationship needs personal space. There are some things you can share and some that are personal to you as an individual. You are entitled to have your own opinions. Controlling how you dress, what you eat, what to do, how you think is not the sign of a concern rather a controlling partner. If you feel smothered, talk to him/her and see if things change. If it changes only for a short while or it doesn’t, it is time to reconsider the relationship.
Lack of communication
EmmaThompson once said, “Any problem, big or small, within a family, always seems to start with bad communication. Someone isn’t listening.” We often talk a lot but how much do we listen? How much effort do we put into listening to the verbal as well as non-verbal communication our partners try to tell. Lack of communication will lead to a lot of overthinking and assumptions and only end up blowing things out of proportion. Insecurity and inferiority are the main reasons your spouse may not feel the urge to speak to you openly. Analyse how they behave and try to understand if they are so because of your behaviour. If it isn’t, sit down and try to open up to them, in-turn making them feel comfortable to open up to you.
You both have a terrible fight and after every fight, irrespective of whose mistake it is you end up apologising. Every time their behaviour angers you, they pull the “I did it because I love you” card, you are being manipulated. They almost always never take the blame and play the victim card every single time. They threaten you and never feel empathetic to your emotions. If you feel exhausted from the emotional drama while in their company, walk out and don't look back. No good came out of manipulation.
Lack of respect
There is a difference between loving and respecting. Respect is the most important ingredient for a good relationship. Belittling you in front of family and friends, making major decisions without your involvement, hurting you time and again only to say they love you as an excuse, not apologising or trying to right a wrong are all signs of disrespect. Loving isn’t everything that is needed.
Apart from the above, any sort of physical, emotional and sexual abuse, infidelity, inability to be yourself around them is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
Misuse of love
If there is only love and no respect, you are more likely to be treated like a doormat.
If there is only love and no trust, you are more likely to be cheated on.
If there is only love and no affection, you may miss the emotional support when you need one.
There is no marriage or relationship that doesn’t have its fights but in a healthy one there is love, mutual respect, trust and communication in abundance. It paves a path to companionship.
Image credits: Unsplash and Mike and Dawson